“Be yourself, because
if you can get away with it, it is the ultimate feminist act.”
Liz Phair – American Singer/Songwriter
According to the Oxford English Dictionary Feminism is “the advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of the
equality of the sexes.” The two
words that jump out of that sentence are rights and equality. Surely every woman has the right to make
her own choices and live her own life as she sees fit. You see, for me feminism is as much about
choice and freedom as it is about equality.
And that right there is why I
often find myself getting very depressed when feminist women (rarely men) get
angry when a woman puts forward a vision of fulfilment that doesn’t rate climbing the career ladder her major priority in life.
Over the last few days we
have had another stunning example of how we women seem to find it next to
impossible to accommodate views that do not fit neatly with ours. Kirsty Allsop is the latest feminist to find
herself in very hot water with the mainstream feminists who have been ranting
and raving about her in our newspapers and on social media. You see Kirsty has opinions and has never
been afraid to express them. Surely this
is what feminists are all about? Having
women’s voices heard? Not apparently if
your opinions run contrary to the mainstream feminist view which seems to be
all about achieving in education and career.
Ms Allsopp had the audacity
to say in a wide ranging interview with The Telegraph that she thought that “women are being let down by the system. We
should speak honestly and frankly about fertility and the fact it falls off a
cliff when you’re 35. We should talk openly about university and whether going
when you’re young, when we live so much longer, is really the way forward.”
She went on to say that if she had a daughter (she has two
sons) she would advise her to postpone university and to concentrate on having
a family while she was young and doing the career and university thing later
on. She further said in an interview
with Newsnight that she would have the same conversation with her boys.
Whether she is right or wrong is irrelevant. The point is that she has every right to
express her opinion. She wasn’t saying
that this is what every woman should do but that it is what she would advise
her offspring to do. But the immediate
rubbishing of her view along with plenty of derogatory commentary concerning
her background (which is reasonably wealthy by all accounts) and her work with
interiors, design and crafting surely runs contrary to what feminism should be
all about?
For generations women have passed down wisdom and stories
along with recipes from mother to daughter; precious nuggets of knowledge borne
from experience of our grandmothers. In
our enthusiasm for full equality we have narrowed our vision about what it is
to be a woman – what it is to be a feminist.
Some of the greatest feminist women I know are working
quietly in the home, caring for children, their aged parents and their
household. They have little if any
interest in board rooms or glass ceilings.
Are there views on life less worthy?
Are these women some lesser species of feminist?
We need to be very careful of becoming too macho in our pursuit
of full equality and freedom. Actress
Natalie Portman said “I want every
version of a woman and a man to be possible. I want women and men to be able to
be full-time parents or full-time working people or any combination of the two.
I want both to be able to do whatever they want sexually without being called
names. I want them to be allowed to be weak and strong and happy and sad –
human, basically. The fallacy in Hollywood is that if you’re making a
“feminist” story, the woman kicks ass and wins. That’s not feminist, that’s
macho. A movie about a weak, vulnerable woman can be feminist if it shows a
real person that we can empathize with.”
Before we can change the world we must change
ourselves. As a women’s movement we must
recognise that we women are as different as we are the same. We don’t all necessarily want the same
things. Equality is essentially about
choice. The choice to be yourself. It is vital that we recognise the right of each
woman to make the choices that are right for her. And we need to support each
other regardless of how we personally view those choices.
So if Kirsty Allsopp wants to tell her children that they
might consider fertility and plan a family early and put off career advancement
till later, that is fine. It is another
way of doing things. No more and no less
valid that waiting until you are established in your career for the babies.
But women can we please stop being so critical of other
women whose views don’t chime with ours.
We are often our own worst enemies... Ni neart go cur le cheile (no
strength without unity)
